Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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