Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
