I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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