White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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