Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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