we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
