Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
