my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
