I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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