You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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