did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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