Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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