the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
