I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
