you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
