hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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