Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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