i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
