I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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