The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
