Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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