Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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