just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
