I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
