and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
