yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
