Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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