We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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