thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
