What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
