Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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