If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I will die if light touches me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i came on her dog
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
