So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize