We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
