my mouth tastes like poor choices
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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