sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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