we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
