Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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