You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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