Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
