i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
