Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
