..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
