she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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