Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
