I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
