I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
