I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
