I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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