I wish I could punch you in the face.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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