I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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