I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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