Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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