Already got asked if we're dating
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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