you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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