Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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