He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
