he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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