dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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