brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
