You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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