He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
