What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
