Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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