the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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