He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
