I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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