onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
