I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
