I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
