last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Randomize
