I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
