kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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